Caged

Why do we feel the need to justify ourselves, explain ourselves, and defend ourselves? If I know that I know what I say is true, is truth, honest and sincere;  why, when you don’t seem to believe me should I spend so many seconds, minutes hours and sometimes days trying to find ways to make you believe me.

For the last few weeks I have realized that I have spent so much time either trying to prove something or worrying about it. It got to a point where I started to think, “May be you are guilty” - a point where I started to judge myself and condemn myself for things I probably couldn’t exactly have changed. And may be yes I am not right all the way or trying hard enough but yet taking a close look, I did have my honest reasons. I would have loved to do more or what I should have but just couldn’t.  However, feeling continually horrible about it was draining, especially because of that desire for someone to understand and to know the battle within me.

I have tried to get into the practice of not flexing with the need to explain and justify and justify. I have tried to practice being content with what the guy upstairs and I know and have settled out. I realize now, it’s not that simple. It keeps coming back to haunt me. 

I guess it’s because man is tangible, visible that the comfort of an invisible, loving, understanding, caring, all knowing God is too difficult to cling on to. I think if my Father has filed my report, has all the evidence and has me on no chain, why should I be worried that you think otherwise, why should I cage myself up?

I need to get to that place where I am not shaken in any way by what man says, thinks of me but rather concerned with what my Father has to say, what he knows of me; having all my confidence rooted in Him.

I am not saying we shouldn’t be responsible for our actions or that we should be careless, without concern or heart but like Pastor Wa likes to sign off…..

I’m just sayin………….