Let it fly

 

Wow! I've mentioned how I am not that good at decision making sometimes. I stall over things, turn them, flip them, throw them in the air only to catch them and mull over them all over again and keep going round in circles.

I have been in such an annoying state of ambivalence; concerning something. I love and hate what could come out of the decision I make (I guess this is common in most situations but you know what I mean). For a long time I have failed to choose which way to go, uncertain of whether to put my foot into it or not and the time has come when in a way, the decision has been made for me. I somewhat had pretty much seen myself going the same way but I had hoped that the other direction would work too. Coming to think of it I really had hoped I'd take that course but you know sometimes you can't have it both ways.

My father once told me that one would rather make a wrong decision than make no decision at all. And with each passing day of my life; this piece of wisdom makes more and more sense. At times this stalling and mulling is such a waste of time and drains you of so much energy and takes you round in circles that lead you absolutely no where. But I must add that there are moments (quite many of them) when I am so glad that I mulled and took my time. Even in this particular situation, looking back I am in a way glad that it’s taken me this long to accept to take the path I have finally chosen.

This situation reminds me of when I was a little girl (ok, I'm still little to some people but yah...), I loved and still love animals. I've often had 'dreams' of running a zoo or something of the sort but we will get back to that some other day; hopefully ;) . One day one of my big sisters and I found a wounded bird in the compound. Looked like it had been shot. So we pick it up, clean it, nurse it and feed it. Then one morning we come to check on it and it had gone. I remember thinking to myself,

"Uhm, dry bird! after all that care and getting you back on your feet you just go like that? No good bye, nothing?!"

I'm not sure how I expected this bird to do this but I did anyway, ha ha...

So some time later someone helped me 'catch' another bird. It was a nice tiny little reddish-maroon thing. And it wasn't wounded. My idea was to have it for a pet. I made a box for it; nice comfy home and fed it as often as I could. As time went on I felt like I was being so selfish and mean. I kept watching the other birds flying around, enjoying their freedom and being what they were created to be and here was this cute thing caged up. I had grown fond of the bird, I liked it or loved it if I may be more precise but I knew in my heart that I had to let it go.

I kept pushing 'the day' but finally I opened that box and let the bird go. It was painful but it was also such a relief coz much as I was sad to let it go I also felt good about it, like it was the right thing to do and the best way to love this bird. Maybe staying with me meant it would be assured of having a meal everyday and it wouldn't have to shelter from the rain and whatever storms, and it wouldn't have to worry about vultures and whatever 'monsters' that haunt birds; but it also wasn't cut out to be lonely, alone in some box, unable to fly and listening to a child go on about this and that. Whenever I saw similar birds in our compound I wondered if it had come over to say hi. I'd throw them some bread crumbs and I'd feel so good coz I could see them, feed them without caging them and feeling guilty about it.(ain't it amazing to be a kid!)

Well, there are birds in our lives; some are like the first one, you do your best, give your all but they 'disappear' and your thinking what?! Some are the kind you just have to let go and let them be not because you love them less or something but because that's the best way you could ever love them. Yes, sometimes this will hurt but also you don't have to cage them up and put them in certain positions to love them. You love them by letting them be and letting things be. If 'it' wants to come back to say hi then that's ok, if it doesn't, at least you loved the best way that you could and that's what matters most I guess.

So I'm letting my little bird fly...

Have yourselves a lovely week :)